Requests and Demands

Ask.  Request.  Demand.  Anything. 

If you have a question for me, or have a thought of something you’d like me to do or make for you, let me know and I’ll do it.

Or comment anonymously.



Christine wrote:

I request that you send me pictures from Bulgaria 🙂

My Darling, they are in the post.


Liz wrote:

Dear Sidewalkfox,
We didn’t win the lottery.  What went wrong?

Dude, don’t get greedy.  I wasn’t promising anything.  I was just hoping you’d count me in if you made it rich.  I mean, if someone asks you to decide whether or not they should chance it on money you’ve gotta tell them to do it, right?  It was worth a shot.  And it cost you like two bucks?  Big deal.  Play again.  Maybe you’ll hit it next time.  Really.  I’ve got a feeling about this one.




Christine Darling wrote:

Dear sidewalkfox,

Will you meet me at the London Heathrow airport at 2pm on Friday, dec. 11? I’d love to see you.

Most Sincerely,

Christine Darling

Oh Christine.  Yes.  Yes.  A thousand times, yes.

See you at Heathrow!!  I may have to bring a child with me.



Liz asked:

Dear Sidewalkfox,
In the last week we have won a door prize and a wine draw.  Should we buy a lottery ticket?  Also what do you think is a good breakfast wine?

Liz,  if you’re on a winning streak of this magnitude then it’s got to be a good time to take chances.  Believe me, it’ll pay off.  Buy a ticket.  Say “Yes” to the extra.  Rob a bank.

Breakfast wine is a morning aperitif best enjoyed before leaving bed.  Reach for the jug beside you and hope there’s some left.  Or a nice Chianti, lightly chilled.  And wear the little fiasco basket on your head


Christine asked:

Do we reach enlightenment when we decide to stop reproducing? It is, after all, our attachment to this world that makes us want to procreate – isn’t it?

That sorta makes sense.  Yeah.  Ascetics of most religions don’t have kids.  Kids take up loads of time and energy and are an entirely self-involved pursuit.  However, to say that we (I guess you mean all of us humans) might reach enlightenment as a result of the decision not to reproduce sounds unlikely to me.  Perhaps the reverse would be true.  There are a million other things in life that you can choose to conjure up meaning, purpose and satisfaction.  But having children serves the purpose ultimately well.  So, yeah, it’s our attachment to this world that makes us want to procreate. 

Those who are enlightened may understand that procreation is just as pointless as the rest of it, but I think I’ve had loads more fun hanging out with 4-year-olds than Buddhist monks.  And I think I’ve actually learned more about the human condition that way too.


Tessa asked:

I have a burning question about crisps…  Sometimes, some crisps in a pack have a bright greenish edge. One Monkey pointed me to the fact that that is quite odd, after all, potatoes don’t turn green if you cook them. Do you know why this is?

Green crisps…  Here’s what I think I know about green crisps:  Potatoes are usually stored in the dark.  They’ll sprout otherwise and will also go green as a reaction to sunlight.  I think it must be clorofil being produced to capture sun energy for growth.  So that would explain the green bits being at the edges of the crisps.  Potatoes are a member of the same family of plants as Deadly Nightshade, which is poisonous.  Maybe even actually deadly.  It’ll fuck you up a bit anyhow.  I think it’s got a neurotoxin or something.  Tomatoes and Eggplant are in the same family.  Anyhow, the green bits on potatoes can contain this same toxin.  But, I think it’s destroyed at high temperatures, so green crisps are alright.  Or just stick to Twiglets.


And Tessa also asked:

How does one make brightly-colored-tongue-staining-frosting…  perhaps even with glitter?

This is an exciting question, Tessa.  I do most of my baking with children, and when baking with children frosting is the most exciting thing in the world.  The reason for this is that food colouring, sprinkles and glitter all have an extremely high mess potential.  And there is a lot of sugar involved.

Here is my recipe:

 Roughly 3 parts icing sugar to 1 part butter, add a bit of vanilla, and a couple spoonfuls of milk or cream to make it softer.

The butter should be nice and soft, but not melted.  Mix it up.

If you hit the icing sugar with a spoon it will make a cloud that tastes of sweetness and softness when you lick the air.

Then divide it in to different bowls and get out your colour-wheel and food colourings.  You can get either little bottles of intensely coloured liquid or little pots of powder which don’t really show much colour until they’re wet.  Mix ’em in.  Combine colours to make new colours.  Avoid brown unless you want to make chocolate icing, which you can do by mixing in a spoonful or two of cocoa powder.

As for the edible glitter, I’ve never seen any, but I used to have bubble-gum flavoured toothpaste that was blue and glittery and sang a song when you opened the lid.  That’s pretty close to edible I think.  The frosting glitter must exist, and if it doesn’t then I think you’ve found your calling.  To the glitter lab!


Bob asked:

I have  a question…

How many roads must a man walk down, before they call him a man?

yes and,

How many seas must a white dove sail, before she sleeps in the sand?

Answer me that, my foxy little friend

Well, Bob.  42 is what I reckon.


5 Responses to “Requests and Demands”

  1. Christine Says:

    I request that you send me pictures from
    Bulgaria 🙂

  2. ErinRae Says:

    I posted your portrait (love it) on my blog. great to see so many of your smiles on this page. BC misses you, but go! have so much fun!

  3. Rainbow Suspenders Says:


    I would like to pretty please request a Rabbit and Squirrel dancing on top of an igloo, in the middle of an outdoor marijuana grow-op, while it rains car parts.

    If you are able to somehow incorporate a unicorn with stylish hair, I’ll be brimming with glee even more so.

    Thank you for your time.

  4. sarah H Says:

    hey you lady

    been thinking about you alot lately, not sure why! but wanted to catch up. If your still on here plz send a reply, or email me!

    love your old freind Sarah

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